I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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