he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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