We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
