Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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