This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
