I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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