Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
