THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
