Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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