Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
