Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
They took my balls.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
