so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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