Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
