Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
