Just mADE A PArabola og urine
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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