every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
