I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Randomize
