he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
