3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
