Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
