I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
