I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
