She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
