I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
