I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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