So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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