You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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