Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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