Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
