we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
