There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
operation have a gay friend backfired
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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