Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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