You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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