Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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