Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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