there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
