Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
