don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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