I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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