so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
