My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
