I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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