Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
