Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
