Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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