So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
