So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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