well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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