I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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