two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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